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Digging Deeper

“Uncomfortable” topics, internet culture and the industry’s obsession with youth.  

After working as a creative in the London scene for over 10 years, starting my music journey just before the first lockdown hit initially felt like a reckless choice. When you’ve been around for a while you don’t enter this industry with rose-tinted glasses; instead you feel the odds are stacked against you and you wonder if an industry that feels this unsafe is worth diving into. 

There is a reason people say that what you’ve seen you cannot un-see, or that a mind stretched by new ideas may never return to its original dimensions. They have a point! I genuinely feel a deep urge — very much an itch I have to Scratch — to write about the so called ‘uncomfortable topics’. For my own self and for others who have experienced similar hardships. 


There is such a fetishization of youth in our society. We crave it, lust after it and subsequently spend our entire lives chasing it, yet we rarely speak about how vulnerable we are in those early years in our journey. 

I believe, especially as creatives, that it takes time to find inclusive, alternative and/or queer safe spaces that we can exist in more freely, expressing ourselves more extravagantly than we are often able to in mainstream society. But we forget that even in those spaces, people’s youth and emotional vulnerability can be taken advantage of. You are so dependent on other people when you are young: on how they assess you, grade you, perceive you, treat you and yes, stereotype and pigeonhole you. And you can be so completely dependent on their validation. Never being in a position of power means inevitably you try to fit in and you accept whatever experiences are thrown your way as normal and ‘just the way things are’. 

I aim for my music to hammer home the point that things can be different. That just because structures are arranged in a certain disempowering manner currently doesn’t mean it has to remain like that for all eternity. To me, making use of my vocal chords to openly sing about the Lolita myth, the objectification and grooming young people are subjected to, is my way of taking power back. As a millennial, it felt like we were the first generation that was able to connect and share with each other online, but also lived through the internet at its most unregulated and novel. We were given tools but not guided in how to use them. We were the first young generation that was at risk in the real world as well as the digital world. And therefore we had no choice but to truly live through all its pitfalls. 

We now know better. It really gives us space to hold space for each other and do better. To work hard to create a music industry for ourselves and future generations where people are empowered and can flourish instead of having to exist in a constant state of anxiety. The future can and should be bright but it won’t get to that point if we collectively keep our mouths shut. So my message to you, dear reader or to whomever it may concern: is that I see you, I validate your experiences and encourage you to speak up and not shy away from forging new paths. There is so much strength to be found in a supportive community. Let’s be part of working towards something we can truly believe in. 

NXKXTA’s new song ‘EPHEBOPHILE’ is out now via Drowned In Sound.


Words by Nikita Andrianova/ NXKXTA

Photography by Damian Noszkowicz

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